Choice Counseling Blog

My name is Doug Fox. I am a licensed professional counselor, and I have an MDiv from a Christian seminary. I am a cognitive-behavioral therapist as well as an advocate of Positive Psychology. I’ve discovered many synergistic truths about Christian Theology and Positive Psychology. To me it’s amazing that it took two thousand years to make sense of the teaching of Christ.

These blogs will share some of the truths I’ve discovered and want to share with you. After 25 years of clinical therapy and +70 years of life I hope you learn these truths faster than I did.

Doug Fox LPC, MDiv.

What emotion do you feel when you can’t get what you want…ANGERRRR? What is desire, but a positive future expectation? What is anger but an unexpected negative outcome? It makes sense that when you can’t get what you want you get mad. Now you might argue that I don’t get mad; I get sad. From my perspective, anger is a reaction and sadness is a reflection. The first reaction is mad, a secondary response to not getting my way is sad. “Oh, too bad, so sad!”

Now, let’s get back to learning how to neutralize anger. If I’m mad about not getting what I want the first task is to determine is I had a realistic expectation? Think about the last time you got mad and ask, “Did I have an unrealistic desire?” The odds are that is where the problem lies. As humans we tend to be very selfish animals. We want what we want. When we can’t get what we want we get MAD. Want a cure for controlling your anger…lower your expectations and begin loving life as it is.

Playing with the words of emotion can be fun and self-soothing.

Have a nice day!

Feel free to add a comment or a question.

Doug Fox LPC, M.Div.

Choice Counseling

An important skill associated with regulating your emotions is developing your awareness and understanding of emotional opposites; for example: helpful/helpless, good/bad, guilty/forgiveness. The first two pairs were clear and obvious; the third was a little more difficult to see. If I am guilty the emotional opposite is clearly forgiveness. However, if neutralizing my guilt requires forgiveness from someone else, I may be powerless to obtain it. Stuck? Not really, you just have to work through another set of emotional word pairs: false pride/humility.

First, if you’re feeling guilty about something that requires someone else’s forgiveness, you have already accepted responsibility for screwing something up. So, why try to defend yourself? Acknowledge to the person you offended that you screwed up. Counter-balance your false pride with humility and you can forgive yourself! Trying to defend your actions often causes more problems than acknowledging your mistakes.  Yeah! I screwed up!

Balancing your Emotions

What do Mathematics and Emotion have in common; a lot actually? If the thought of mathematics and emotion sound like an oxymoron to you I want to invite you to think again and then read today’s blog.

I want to invite you to look at emotions as a binary system of response. Emotions are either good or bad. Simple binary math, like this: (1-1) =0. Following this example, binary emotional language might look like this. “Add one measure of hopefulness to one measure of hopelessness and your emotional response equals zero; (hopefulness+ hopelessness = no emotional response.)

It makes sense, it is simple math. When you’re experiencing a problematic negative emotion you need to work on increasing the opposite positive emotion if you want to reduce your emotional reaction. Want another analogy? Think about chemistry, you neutralize an acid by adding an base. Want to integrate a little spiritualty, Afraid of things you can’t control? Let go and let God take care of it.

Balance. The art of emotional regulation is all about balance. It does not matter what language you frame it in; mathematics, chemistry, or religious beliefs. The art of coping with the stressors in your life revolves around counter-balancing negative fears with positive possibilities.

Welcome! My name is Doug Fox. I’m a licensed Professional Counselor and I have a MDiv. from Emmanuel Christian Seminary. I’m a cognitive-behavioral therapist and an advocate of the field of Positive Psychology. I’ve discovered a lot of synergy between Christian Theology and Positive Psychology. Much of what I write about will illustrate these truths.

I have 25 years of clinical experience and +70 years of life experience. I hope the content hear will help you learn faster than I did.